Monday, March 3, 2008

An Epic Weekend in Review, Part 1

It began Friday night when I drove out to see Hooker Dorothy. Here's the backstory on her. She's in college and lives in a dorm. The first time we hung out I brought Scrabble and 40's of Coors Light over. After we played we hooked up a little in the common room of her suite. Nothing really happened though because she has three roommates and actually SHARES a bedroom with one of them. The second time happened a few nights later. She was in Manhattan for the weekend visiting her sister and I talked her into taking the Long Island Railroad back to my town instead of back to school. The plan was we'd watch the Oscars and I'd drive her back afterwards. As I watched Hooker Dorothy descend the staircase from the overhead platform I did a double-take. She was wearing a red coat, a tight black dress, and these red, sparkly high heeled shoes that looked exactly like the ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz. I wasn't even 100% sure it was her until she climbed into my car.

"Wow - you get pretty dressed up to ride the train," I teased.

"Shut up...we went out to dinner before I left!"

"Cool. Oh, by the way - if at any point you get bored tonight, just click your heels three times and you'll be teleported back to your dorm..."

"FUCK YOU!"

We drove back to my house. Meanwhile, I'd instructed my parents to hide in their room for a little bit so I could shuttle HD in without them meeting. I turned on the Oscars but we didn't watch very much of it. Before long our clothes were off but there was a snag. Yes, it was that time of the month. I tried sticking my dick in her face but that didn't seem to work so I started teasing her. Not verbally. I mean, I took out a jar of Bath & Body Works massage cream and started rubbing up her legs, stopping just short of the bloody mess. After a bit of that I tried the stick-my-dick-in-the-face move again. Success! She gave a decidedly above-average BJ, too. I drove her back to school and somehow avoided falling asleep at the wheel.

At some point HD insinuated that her roommates all disappear over the weekends. Well, that was all I needed to hear. On Friday night I picked her up and took her to the movies. While not watching the Oscars, it somehow came up in conversation she hadn't seen any of the big films of this past year. I actually hadn't seen There Will Be Blood and really wanted to so I dragged her to it, even though it wasn't exactly a cinematic aphrodisiac. Afterwards, we went back to the roommate-less suite. Sure enough, it was deserted. This time no period, no last minute resistance. There was only one problem- elevated, twin beds. I almost fell off a handful of times while we were rolling around and spooning afterwards was virtually impossible, let alone sleeping. But HD had a death grip around me that let me know I wasn't going anywhere. Somehow I managed to pass out but woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back asleep. So what did I do? I jumped out of her bed, climbed into the absent roommate's, and took off in the morning while HD was still groggy. To be continued...

The Sexonomics


Gas: $8 each trip x3 = $24
Coors Light 40's: $7
Tickets to There Will Be Blood: $21

Total cost: $52

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